Friday, September 10, 2010
   
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September 2010
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Found in Parliamentary Photocopier

General Ramblings

 

Dear Colleague,
 
I’m writing to ask for your support to be elected as a member of the Family and Welfare Select Committee. I am a new member and many of you won’t know me, but I believe I have a track record before getting into the House that will stand me in good stead.
 
I was educated at St. Fee’s School (motto: Who Pays, Wins) where I became Blackboard Monitor and for two weeks, Deputy Milk Monitor. I also excelled at rugby and was talent-spotted in my position by Sir Clive Woodward, who came to one of our matches. He pointed to me and I heard him say distinctly, “Who’s that rucking flanker?” I then got into Trinity College, Oxford, in July when no one was looking. I was elected an honorary member of the Bulliedon Club, and was chosen unanimously as Drag Queen of the May – a coveted role whose holder is hunted by hounds!
 
I have a wealth of experience of poor people.
 
Before entering Parliament I was a banker, at the family bank of national Grinleys. Many of my bank’s customers were poor people. In fact, a great number became poor people as our customers. It is vital that people take personal responsibility for bad financial decisions: they should not be bailed out by the taxpayer. It makes me jolly cross to see feckless, incompetent people enjoying a lavish lifestyle on the basis of unlimited guarantees from the state.
 
My mother ran a foundation to help poor people. The Grizelda Grinley Trust has given thousands of unfortunate women the opportunity to seek new careers in domestic service, although none of them have shown the slightest gratitude.
 
This Committee has a key mission to ensure that families live, work, and play together. National Grinleys had a great reputation as a family-friendly bank. We showed this commitment at board level, when even the weakest and dimmest members of my family were encouraged to make the best use of their talents as directors. However, I must make clear that none of the people named Grinley who are working for me as researchers are members of my family, who are part of the Nottinghamshire Grinleys. My ancestor, Guillaume Grindez-Les_Pauvres, was King John’s Chancellor of the Exchequer. He could give some pointers to the present one!
 
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. And if you have any further questions please do not hesitate to approach me in the tea room – I’m the one in the corner sitting on my own. With the doughnut in my hair and cream smeared all over my glasses by my old chums from the Bulliedon Club.
 
Best Wishes,
 
 
 
Claude Grinley MP
 

 

 

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

General Ramblings

Dave of the Bullingdon is cock of the walk at PMQ’s. Quick, articulate, aggressive he’s unbeatable. But the speed of the words is beginning to deceive the brain. In talking about the G20 I n Canada he clearly didn’t know the difference between fiscal deficits (which he’s against) and balance of payments deficits which he can’t understand. He seemed to think that he was saying the same thing as Obama when the President was saying more stimulus, and he was saying cut stimulus. He seems to think Keynes is an Eastern European socialist and that borrowing is wrong which may be why he took out such a huge mortgage on his London house and got the fees office to pay for it.

All very worrying .But all he has to do to keep Liberal support is to keep repeating the Mantra. “There is no alternative.” They don’t understand it either.
 
   

Playground Politics

General Ramblings

 

A coalition between the Torres and the Lib Dems is like marrying the Parachute Regiment with a Brownie pack – bound to be messy. The Torres haven’t understood that the Lib Dems were a play party designed to have fun, not endure the disciplines of grown up government. Normal rules don’t apply to a party dedicated to having its cake and eating it too. But it looks as though the media, particularly the Mail and the Telegraph are out to destroy the Lib Dem ministers. Cameron needs them for protection cover for his crazy cuts. The media are busy picking them off, first Laws and then Danny Alexander, now Chris Huhne. Who’s next? At least they don’t have Lembit Opick to kick around any more.

 

   

NEWS FROM THE PARTY OF LOST DREAMS

General Ramblings

 

 

In the last two days the Conservative party has had two meetings, the Lib/Dems three and continuous email contact. Labour has had none.

 

We are to have one Wednesday 2-30 by which time it will probably be all over. No need to consult us when all the decisions can be taken by Mandy & Campbell. They know things so much better than the peasants and workers.

 

Rumour has it that Clegg is getting impatient with his party. A young man in a hurry shouldn’t have to be held up by having to be wagged by the tail.

 

   

Get it right!

General Ramblings

 

Don’t be fooled by the media hype that the decision on a new government is urgent or imminent or by the City’s clamour for instant action to save the markets.

 

It’s essential to get this right. That means take it slowly Bring everyone in every party along. Reduce the risk of dissident groups rebelling and endangering any agreement. If that takes weeks take them

 

The politicians have to get an agreement. If they pass the problem back to the people by forcing another election they’ll be punished. The people want us to solve the problem and give them a stable government which will last for two years or more.

 

The best way of getting that remains a Lib/Con coalition Green economy, special help for disadvantaged schools, fairer taxes are all easley agreed. Liberal Ministers could easily be accepted. But there are three key elements which are causing problems.

 

The Liberals have to draw the Tory fangs of massive cuts and a reversion to Thatcherism. They have to have a time limited agreement, say two years of support on supply and confidence just like the Lib Lab pact that carried government through from 1977 to 1979.

 

Finally and most crucially there has to be an agreement and a referendum not on the alternative vote which is the intellectually handicapped person’s electoral reform but proportional representation

 

Read more: Get it right!

   

Top pay levels: obscene or insane?

General Ramblings

Michael Grade, who failed to turn ITV round, leaves with £2.7 million consolation. His successor, Adam Crozier, is to get £3.2 million over 3 years, plus £200,000 in cash as a golden “hello” meanwhile ITV is firing staff and closing studios.

Stuart Rose at Marks and Spencer gets £1.2 million a year through his stepping down to a less demanding role. His successor, Mark Bolland, gets £15 million to move from Morrisons.

Bob Diamond for Barclays kindly waived his bonus last year but still got £22 million.

Gordon Pell retired from RBS, after making such a mess of it, with a £13.5 million pension.

Lucky lads.

Meanwhile party leaders and cabinet members prostrate themselves by declining to take any salary increase and I’m getting angry letters complaining because MPs pay has gone up by £1000 a year.

   

Tory response to the budget

General Ramblings

 

Darling’s budget got a good press, though not from me; he should have splashed out more. Cameron’s reply was marked down by me as well: petty point scoring with no beef.
 
But the real lesson was that the Tory Ship Heavy Cutter is lower in the water so they’re chucking Thatcherism overboard bit by bit. Slashing the NHS has gone already. Cameron gave his personal guarantee that free bus travel, winter fuel and free TV for oldies will stay. That’s going to go on as the threats to cut Sure Start, regional spending, housing are found to be unpopular and chucked overboard. Last to go will be poor old Osborne. Welcome back First Mate (after Sam Cam) Clark.
   

Mitchell innocent say both fan club members

General Ramblings

 

Austin Mitchell today pleaded not guilty and insane to the charge of demanding money with menaces by asking for a pay increase for MPs. Howls from the Angry Brigade writing for ‘This is Grimsby’. Angry emails from party members. Particularly the young ones.
   

Cut Eurocrap first!

General Ramblings

 

All the talk of cuts to come makes me fear Edward Scissorhand will be the dominant figure in British politics for the next two years.
 
If he is, and I hope not, then he must turn his attention first to Europe. Thanks to Blair’s insane decision four years ago to give away part of our rebate in return for cuts in the agriculture budget - which we know will never be made - the budget documents show that our contribution, only £3 billion in 2008, has risen to £6.4 billion this year.
   

Out with the greedies, in with principles

General Ramblings

 

I watched Monday’s Dispatches squirming with embarrassment. To think that these idiots grovelling for money, ever ready to prostitute themselves and their party, are Labour. Labour. The people’s party.
The greedies are all Blairites treading in the steps of the master. Their day is done. Their party is under new management. Their families are needy. But nothing could justify their betrayal of party principles and values. To them Labour is just a uniform to be donned to attain office and chucked when it’s over.
   

Principles. Or lack of...

General Ramblings

Ever since Ramsey Macdonald, fear of betrayal has always been a Labour anxiety. Rightly so. Labour ministers owe their creation and career to the party and shouldn’t use what the party has given them to betray its principles and sell out its ideals for pelf and place.

Which is exactly what a small number of Blairites, following the footsteps of the master,  have done by demanding fees of up to £5000 a day for influencing government policy in a Channel Four sting.
 
Sadly they demonstrate stupidity rather than saleability. Would you want to hire anyone who doesn’t check out on Google or any business directory whoever’s offering them easy money? They aren’t worth buying.
   

Mirror Writing

General Ramblings

 

I’m not sure I’m hearing things right but I think I heard that the Tories are proposing a tax on the banks so they can pay something back from the huge support they’ve been given but a Labour Minister is saying this is dangerous because it will drive them from the country. Policy is being done by mirror writing.
   

Better not to say anything than to speak truth

General Ramblings

 

I’ve put down an Early Day Motion telling the MPs whose struggled through this much maligned Parliament (The Pathetic Parliament)to cheer up. They’ve had a rotten time but they’ve done their best and its not really their fault but that of the media, the Fees office and the Leaders who’ve shat on them. So it’s Ave Atque Vale. Not Piss off.
   

Unite's and Ashcroft's donations are not comparable

General Ramblings

 

The Tories are banging on about Unite, to distract attention from Lord Ashcroft’s dodgy donations. The two aren’t comparable. The money given by Unite to the Labour Party has to have the consent of Unite members and is published and audited. So it’s not the same as money fiddled unaccountably from a tax haven in Belize, which has saved Ashcroft £120 million in taxes he should have paid in this country. Vote Ashcroft for tax dodging!
 
But it does prompt a thought. The best service Unite could do for the Labour Party is to have Gordon Brown mediate a settlement between them and British Airways. A nation waits. Come on. Don’t be a Charlie.
 
   

Love's Labour Lost

General Ramblings

 

It’s surprising to find, after the Tower Blocks programme, the greatest opportunity since Yorkshire Television spent thousands tracing Joe Kagen to Spain only to have him turn up in Israel, that Love Productions haven’t bothered to pay anyone who they exploited to make the programme. Mean Bastards.
 
Being more astute than I, the Tory MPs discovered that Love had in fact paid Mark Oaten £3700 so they demanded that they give the same amount to charities in the constituencies they’d been sent to. Good idea. Pay one, pay all.
   

Life of a Tory, Life of Riley

General Ramblings

 

Life’s so easy for the Tories. If anything is wrong-and inevitably a lot is even after twelve years of steady improvement- then all you have to do is listen, murmur sympathy and say we’ll do something about that. No promises. No pack drill just sympathy and a hint that Labour’s been naughty.
   

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