General Ramblings

Found in Parliamentary Photocopier

Written by Austin Mitchell Wednesday, 30 June 2010 14:30

Dear Colleague,

I’m writing to ask for your support to be elected as a member of the Family and Welfare Select Committee. I am a new member and many of you won’t know me, but I believe I have a track record before getting into the House that will stand me in good stead.

I was educated at St. Fee’s School (motto: Who Pays, Wins) where I became Blackboard Monitor and for two weeks, Deputy Milk Monitor. I also excelled at rugby and was talent-spotted in my position by Sir Clive Woodward, who came to one of our matches. He pointed to me and I heard him say distinctly, “Who’s that rucking flanker?” I then got into Trinity College, Oxford, in July when no one was looking. I was elected an honorary member of the Bulliedon Club, and was chosen unanimously as Drag Queen of the May – a coveted role whose holder is hunted by hounds!

I have a wealth of experience of poor people.

Before entering Parliament I was a banker, at the family bank of national Grinleys. Many of my bank’s customers were poor people. In fact, a great number became poor people as our customers. It is vital that people take personal responsibility for bad financial decisions: they should not be bailed out by the taxpayer. It makes me jolly cross to see feckless, incompetent people enjoying a lavish lifestyle on the basis of unlimited guarantees from the state.

My mother ran a foundation to help poor people. The Grizelda Grinley Trust has given thousands of unfortunate women the opportunity to seek new careers in domestic service, although none of them have shown the slightest gratitude.

This Committee has a key mission to ensure that families live, work, and play together. National Grinleys had a great reputation as a family-friendly bank. We showed this commitment at board level, when even the weakest and dimmest members of my family were encouraged to make the best use of their talents as directors. However, I must make clear that none of the people named Grinley who are working for me as researchers are members of my family, who are part of the Nottinghamshire Grinleys. My ancestor, Guillaume Grindez-Les_Pauvres, was King John’s Chancellor of the Exchequer. He could give some pointers to the present one!

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. And if you have any further questions please do not hesitate to approach me in the tea room – I’m the one in the corner sitting on my own. With the doughnut in my hair and cream smeared all over my glasses by my old chums from the Bulliedon Club.

Best Wishes,

Claude Grinley MP

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

Written by Austin Mitchell Tuesday, 29 June 2010 14:48

Dave of the Bullingdon is cock of the walk at PMQ’s. Quick, articulate, aggressive he’s unbeatable. But the speed of the words is beginning to deceive the brain. In talking about the G20 I n Canada he clearly didn’t know the difference between fiscal deficits (which he’s against) and balance of payments deficits which he can’t understand. He seemed to think that he was saying the same thing as Obama when the President was saying more stimulus, and he was saying cut stimulus. He seems to think Keynes is an Eastern European socialist and that borrowing is wrong which may be why he took out such a huge mortgage on his London house and got the fees office to pay for it.

All very worrying .But all he has to do to keep Liberal support is to keep repeating the Mantra. “There is no alternative.” They don’t understand it either.

Playground Politics

Written by Austin Mitchell Tuesday, 22 June 2010 13:10

A coalition between the Torres and the Lib Dems is like marrying the Parachute Regiment with a Brownie pack – bound to be messy. The Torres haven’t understood that the Lib Dems were a play party designed to have fun, not endure the disciplines of grown up government. Normal rules don’t apply to a party dedicated to having its cake and eating it too. But it looks as though the media, particularly the Mail and the Telegraph are out to destroy the Lib Dem ministers. Cameron needs them for protection cover for his crazy cuts. The media are busy picking them off, first Laws and then Danny Alexander, now Chris Huhne. Who’s next? At least they don’t have Lembit Opick to kick around any more.

NEWS FROM THE PARTY OF LOST DREAMS

Written by Austin Mitchell Tuesday, 11 May 2010 15:27

In the last two days the Conservative party has had two meetings, the Lib/Dems three and continuous email contact. Labour has had none.

We are to have one Wednesday 2-30 by which time it will probably be all over. No need to consult us when all the decisions can be taken by Mandy & Campbell. They know things so much better than the peasants and workers.

Rumour has it that Clegg is getting impatient with his party. A young man in a hurry shouldn’t have to be held up by having to be wagged by the tail.

Get it right!

Written by Austin Mitchell Tuesday, 11 May 2010 11:12

Don’t be fooled by the media hype that the decision on a new government is urgent or imminent or by the City’s clamour for instant action to save the markets.

It’s essential to get this right. That means take it slowly Bring everyone in every party along. Reduce the risk of dissident groups rebelling and endangering any agreement. If that takes weeks take them

The politicians have to get an agreement. If they pass the problem back to the people by forcing another election they’ll be punished. The people want us to solve the problem and give them a stable government which will last for two years or more.

The best way of getting that remains a Lib/Con coalition Green economy, special help for disadvantaged schools, fairer taxes are all easley agreed. Liberal Ministers could easily be accepted. But there are three key elements which are causing problems.

The Liberals have to draw the Tory fangs of massive cuts and a reversion to Thatcherism. They have to have a time limited agreement, say two years of support on supply and confidence just like the Lib Lab pact that carried government through from 1977 to 1979.

Finally and most crucially there has to be an agreement and a referendum not on the alternative vote which is the intellectually handicapped person’s electoral reform but proportional representation