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Written by Austin Mitchell
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24 January 2005 |
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The nice lady editor of the Yorkshire Post asked David Currie and I to write regular columns at 20p a word. This was ruinous for a cash strapped YP. After four months they fired the editor for Un-Yorkshire activity (a.k.a. spending brass) and brought in the editor of the Sheffield Star to cut costs by firing me, though not David. So here`s the YP in exile published for free from a secret location in Grimsby: Iskratyke.
BONUS FOR JACKSON.
Labour MPs predict that last week`s defector, Robert Jackson, will end up with a peerage in Blair`s resignation honours which will bring misery to Labour MPs who`ve put in years of active service for nowt. A diminishing scale of rewards is now available. Those who come over in the next four weeks will get knighthoods. The next four weeks CBEs and last four the £250 Baby Bonus backdated for twenty years for their children. HURRY. HURRY. HURRY.
STOP HOWARD BASHING.
ITV is stupid to breed their own loony fascist candidate and put him up against Michael Howard. Balance now requires them to select a socialist and put her up against Blair.
HEALTH FOLLIES.
The NHS is going mad. Its new computer booking service is a disaster. Doncaster got Foundation Status built on a business plan on treating 100% of Doncaster patients. Now the PCT has been instructed to send 15% outside. Nottingham has to send patients for minor ops to the new private treatment centre at Ilkestone. Patients don`t want to go and prefer to wait for an op in Nottingham but the private centre still has to be paid on work contracted, not work done.
HOURS OF DOUBT.
On Wednesday we vote on whether to go back to ten o`clock, the old hours, or stay with the new. My wife is threatening no more meals if I vote for the old hours but government whips are offering regular absences for those who vote for. Parliament is full of difficult decisions.
WHO`S THAT WITH AUSTIN MITCHELL?
We`re being offered the choice of posing for our election leaflets with Tony Blair or Gordon Brown. I`ve done mine with Gordon.
OPUS TONY.
If Ruth Kelly had been appointed to the European Commission she`d have faced protests for her membership of Opus Dei and her views on abortion, homosexuality, teenage pregnancy and pre-marital sex. Being a grown up Parliament we don`t behave like that.
RIGHT TO BUY BLUES.
Right to Buy for housing association tenants is barmy. More are on benefit, the houses are more expensive than council houses, it will mess up both the lenders and the business plans of associations. It doesn`t add a single new house. And where is the money to come from? We must be desperate for gimmicks to consider this.
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Watch out for next week`s exciting instalment. Get it here. It won`t be in the YP. |
