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Arrive back from R. & R. Tanned, fit, rested, like Tony, and raring to go. Unlike Tony. But the PLP has had a nervous breakdown. Panic is worse than those the Tories used to have. Everyone is signing letters. Even Blairites. Three months ago they would be begging Tony to stay to Election minus 3 (weeks, not years). Now they`re expressing delight that he`s going next year and hoping for an orderly transition when they really want someone to stand against Gordon the Inevitable. The rest want Tony to go now. Tony begins to look pathetic by leaking through Miliband the Mouthpiece that he`ll go end of May. Poor lad.
No-one thinks about the consequences. Leader change means nothing unless policies change. But Gordon has nailed himself to Blair policies, even the obviously stupid ones like deterrent renewal. No-one wants a debate. Policies on Iraq, Afghanistan, PFI and competition between schools (when it should be “No School Left Behind”) have all reached dead end. The economic strategy of fighting dead inflation by letting Bankers rule and under-running the economy with high interest and exchange rates will drag us down. No-one proposes an alternative boost like a big building, housing and works programme.
So we`re stuck in a groove. That precludes the best way out – a new Leader and a quick election to get a new mandate. Being down in the polls is something we`ll recover from. It doesn`t justify this panic. Escaping from the Dead Blair End will be more difficult. So no-one will think about it. Contemplating a new coat of paint and a re-shuffle of dark suits is far easier. Pass the Dulux chart.
LETTER TO TONY ON BEHALF OF CLASS OF MPS FIRST ELECTED IN 1892
Dear Tony
I`m writing this in my name only as apparently all those elected with me are dead. However, I`ll give you as G.Y.M. the same advice now as I gave the G.O.M. then. Stay as long as you want. But take it easy. Do less. Attend Cabinet less. Cut initiatives down to one a month. I can`t say attend the Commons less, but take up a hobby. Gladstone compromised. He neither retired nor stayed. Rosebury half took over, half was stymied by Harcourt. Liberals lost the election and a ten year Tory rule began. William loved cutting down trees and giving chips to Liberal Party members – why not try that? Chips with everything.
Of course, I was wrong then. But no-one remembers now.
Yours respectfully
Austin.
LETTER TO LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE – STAR OF HER NEW MOVIE
Dear Hazel
Brilliant idea to have Ministers doing ordinary jobs to understand ordinary people, though having David Miliband as a dustbinman and Peter Hain on a production line doesn`t seem too big a change from what they`re doing now.
Why not extend it to backbenchers? I`d like to be a cabinet Minister for a week. Let me know urgently. I`ve not got much to do before Conference. So I`m in training already.
Yours d`en haut en bas
Austin
Quote from Bob Clarkson, National MP for Taurango (NZ). “I don`t mind people being homosexual. But I don`t want them to shove it down my throat”.
The Downing Street State Funeral Memorandum (“Labour needs one at this stage of the game”) suggests a grand “farewell tour…making sure the Party is in the right place and the public remembers him as he should be”. Hear Hear. Suggested Itinerary: Crawford, Baghdad, House of Representatives, Khabul, Kosovo, Lebanon, Coventry, Helmand and Longbridge. Then it`s Lord Blair of Baghdad. |
