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LESS AND LESS THE YORKSHIRE POST. THAT BECOMES MORE TORY AS THE ELECTION LOOMS. THIS BECOMES MORE |
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Written by Austin Mitchell
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14 March 2005 |
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I missed out on last week`s battles, boozing and bickering. All night sittings are a bonding experience. Some make the bonding more physical than others.
I couldn`t vote for the Bill. So my Whip solicitously asked me whether I might like a few days at home, a free lobotomy or an all expenses paid (by me) visit to Nice. I took the hint and went to the far more serious proceedings of Red Nose Day in Grimsby.
I`m glad I did. The eye ball to eye ball confrontation was a time wasting virility display. Tony wanted to tag the Tories as soft on terrorism (it doesn`t matter about the Liberals because they`re soft on everything). He argued that round the world terrorists were waiting for the date of the Sunset expiry to book one-way airline tickets on Easy Jet to Britain the day after. Michael wanted to display his power. Sound, cautious, timid New Labour men were bawling attacks on unelected judges. Ministers attacked the Lords for doing their job.
Blissfully unaware I was in Grimsby. A sensible thing to do but I forgot that it`s best to keep quiet and be invisible. Normally constituents say “You`re never here”. This time they were saying “Why aren`t you in London?” Constituents do like us to do the job and that means being there on their behalf.
Things got messy because Tony is a bit rattled. Alan Milburn hasn`t been the stunning success he was expected to be, and the Tories are disrupting our triumphant stroll back to re-election. So the Brown camp are now busily building up Gordon as the Party`s saviour, producing rabbits out of his hat at Wednesday`s Budget.
He can`t do what a sensible Chancellor should: raise petrol tax and tax house price escalation gains. Both are sensible ways of committing suicide before an election. Or, indeed, any other time.
So we`ll get a lot of self-congratulation about how well we`re doing (all true), a lot of bows to Prudence (who`ll be in the distinguished visitors` gallery) and a few nice handouts to show willing. A reduction, perhaps elimination of stamp duty for first-time house buyers. More for pensioners. Something for children. Perhaps one and a half billion pounds to hand out. Trouble is we`ve all written our election leaflets so there`s no chance to mention them.
Michael Howard`s use of his family to say nice things about him at the Tory Spring Conference was a direct steal from the US where the Bush and Kerry offspring gave glowing testimonials to their dads. You couldn`t even see the snipers` rifles trained on them in the case of deviation from the script.
Wholly unnatural but a masterstroke. The Blairs can`t counter, having made such an obsession of family privacy. Nor can most MPs. Politics is a parterfamiliarity which breeds only contempt. As an older candidate I`ve bred a tribe of grandchildren hoping they`ll all join the Labour Party to boost our declining membership.
My grandchildren are either too young to talk or too perverse to talk sense. My children all live away and demand massive bribes to come to Grimsby. How will it look to see “£3000 travelling expenses for children” in my expense returns? How much good will it do when none of the media will show it for balance reasons?
Howard is a lucky man in having such nice children and the media opportunity to show them off. But it`s still a political dirty trick.
If Tony Blair wants to be protected from untoward encounters with real people he should take Jonathan Dimbleby everywhere with him.
In both Blair and the women and Any Questions Jonathan always interposes, sticks his own fillings in everywhere and condescendingly tells questioners what they really mean to say.
Tony was clearly irritated that his attempts to relate to the women on Sunday were so constantly interrupted by Jonathan but in an election campaign he`ll need that. Don`t want fox hunters, anti-war protestors, NHS victims, council tax critics or railway buffs to queer the PM`s pitch. So why not let Jonathan mediate between Tony and the world as he does for the Prince of Wales? |
