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The Story so far...
A loveable but shambolic party with a deep inferiority complex allows itself to be taken over by a dedicated group of meritocratically motivated men. Inspired by Changing Parties by Lawrence Llewellin-Mandelson they transform it into a nicer conservative party, the old association with workers, peasants or naughty trade unions, replaced by a more upmarket, nicer and wealthier friends. Now the dispossessed struggle to take back their party before castration is completed by a “more of the same” manifesto for the 2005 election. Read on:-
October
Labour’s a Dual Monarchy. Like Austro-Hungary. Gordon runs the show. Tony does his international Boy Scout bit. Cabinet does as it’s told. Debate is suspended.
November
Queen’s Speech promises we’ll be busy doing nothing very much. Our government’s become middle aged, without any period of youthful enthusiasm. Policy flow is now down not up; Tony’s young think-chaps get a bright idea. Tony okays it with passionate conviction. Cabinet meekly accepts. Then we tramp through the lobbies for it, all without any real debate. It might work if the policies advanced equality, built a fairer society, or improved public services. Since they don’t the technique has got a majority of l60 down to cliff-hanging dimensions. Which gives backbenchers a chance to get something in return for their votes on daft policies like Foundation Hospitals. I asked for a lot more money for NHS dentistry in Grimsby. “They’ll not deliver” warned Frank Dobson. Wrong. We got the dosh. Then Scarborough outdid us by appointing a Dutch dentist who never came after thousands had queued to register. To rescue the situation government had to dole out millions. I’m getting our PCT to appoint a Chechen rebel. He’ll be arrested on arrival as a terrorist. Then we can get millions too. We need it. NHS dentistry is a real mess.
January
The next bright idea: University Fees on hire purchase brings little money to the universities but lumbers every student with an enormous debt. However daft, the offer of a couple of million quid to pay the medical expenses of an asylum seeker, and an improved status for Grimsby College persuade me it’s brilliant, though a letter to the Times claims that if this becomes a precedent any vote on war or peace would have to be held up until government offers a public lavatory in Grimsby. Too damn right.
The Hutton Report shows Mitchell’s law of Enquiries still works. Pick your judge, in this case a blinkered, deferential Northern Ireland relic who knows nothing about journalism and you get the report you want. It shows Tony and everyone else in government to be shining white with no dirty underpants visible or invisible, though governmental processes are a total mess, a democracy with no minutes, no consultation, no debate, and power reserved for the chums. Because the report is overkill its discredits itself. Our war against terrorism may not have got Osama Bin Laden but has bagged Gavyn Davies, Greg Dyke Robin Cook, Clare Short and Andrew Gilligan. Greg’s assessment of what happened looks pretty right. Alistair went ballistic and the gutless governors submitted. Still at least Tony has tried to make amends by giving them Grade and Thompson as compensation.
March
After rubbishing a referendum on the EU “Constitution” Tony decides we need one and all the Euro twerps who know damn well that the EU can only be built by imposing it on the people, who don’t want it, go McShanelessly into reverse. Europe is like a British Airways plane. Departure Perpetually Postponed.
July
Still there are the Regional Assembly referendums to look forward to. John Prescott has made them weak and inadequate to get Tony’s approval, but they can be defended as a base to build on. Suddenly even that is pulled out from under us in Yorkshire
The Butler Report acquits Tony for the umpteenth time but doesn’t answer the real question. At what stage did Tony, volunteering to be Robin to Bush’s Batman, tell George we were with him come what may (or, in the case of WMD, may not)? My guess is April 2002.
Mandy for Europe. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer chap but it`s the final disintegration of Tony’s team. The lad’s on his own now. His close mates have all done well for themselves. His party donors have been humiliated. Button-lipped backbenchers who’ve voted everything through get nowt. Except an occasional lecture on philosophy from Tommy McAvoy who’s brightened my life and sharpened my mind so much I am volunteering to ghost his memoirs, and translate them into English. St. Augustine did it. Ignatius Loyola did. Tommy owes it to humanity to set down his Weltanshaung.
August
By their holidays shall ye know them. The leaders of the People’s Party get as far away from the people as possible. Preferably for free, and with the leader away the acolytes let cats out of bags. They tell us the manifesto will be about “Choice” and “Reform of Public Services”. The first means pandering to the middle class, not giving the working class the higher quality we need. The second means confrontation with public servants and privatisation. The Party wants neither. But then we don’t have much say now. That’s up to the clever-clogs.
I depart for USA to register so I can get a vote on British foreign policy. Amazed to find that the Democratic Convention isn’t afraid of class war or attacks on big business for exporting jobs. Why can’t we do that? Bush declared the Iraq war over from an aircraft carrier, Tony declared the class war over at the Lord Mayor’s dinner. The two biggest premature ejaculations since Chamberlain. If we aren`t about the class war, don’t fight for the masses against the classes and don’t believe that every valley shall be exalted, what are we about?
September
Short Parliamentary session this year with a bit more to do. Will Tony show his contempt for us by banning fox hunting as a sop to the left? It’s crazy to produce a bitter row and disruption up to, and through, the election. Having postponed it for seven years another two won’t do any harm or lose any votes.
At least this time we’re going to have a prepared manifesto, not another rag bag thrown together at the last minute. But it’s the wrong one. Yet another pledge not to increase taxation rather than the pledge not to invade any small countries we need (though, personally, I’d exclude France from that). No government in its right mind can commit itself to either cut or not increase taxes. Circumstances change. Just say that and point to the record.
Labour Conference
Conference has become a leadership festival. The fringe, once a bubbling source of ideas and arguments, is big business with every function sponsored. Sponsors don’t want rebels or rabble, only ministers and big names, so policy drizzles down rather than bubbling up and we`re only there now to shout “Hosanna” from time to time..
Reform it! Have line drawing ceremonies out on the sands so Tony can enjoy his favourite pass-time when he’s boobed, like council house sales or Iraq. Round off with a huge Truth and Reconciliation Ceremony to bring Tony and the Party back together, enlivened by denouncing Marshall Andrews as Labour’s Muktadr al-Sadr, then letting the Whips’ Office Formation Clog Dancing Team trample him to death.
And finally..
Now for the election. How can we lose with the Tories still in search of a policy and the Liberals splitting the opposition? The big majority days when we could have done anything, if we’d actually wanted to do something, are over. Without much done motivate our heartlands.
We’ll suffer because Forward with the People has become the Meritocrats Rule which might please the middle class were it not for their squeamish reactions to Iraq. As for the workers, it’s not clear whether we’ve done enough to bring them out to vote for us. The dwindling membership says we haven’t. People join a party for a purpose. Fail to achieve that and they give up. Compounded by the fact that we’ve deprived councillors and unions, who’re the kernel of local parties, of any useful purpose so they’re taking their hooks.
We should stand on “You Know Labour Government Works”. After all we’ve shown we can run the economy, ensured no millionaire is left behind, been soft on business but not crime. With that foundation built it’s time to move forward, to redistribute, to go for growth and to spend more on all the things we’ve neglected: pensions, transport, local government and housing.
Tax is the test. Commit ourselves to not increasing it and real redistribution is out and we’re relegated to more of the same. We should increase taxes because growth is too low and too heavily based on a credit explosion, which will have to be reined in by either higher taxes or higher interest rates. People will accept tax increases provided services improve and don’t believe Tory claims that tax can be cut. We can’t advance Labour purposes without tax increases. So why tie our hands again? |
