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Not the best of years for my Party or me. It’s slipped in the polls, been clobbered in the councils and torn by a leadership struggle we have to pretend isn’t really happening in case our new Chief Whip suspends both Tony and Gordon from the PLP for bringing the Party into disrepute.
For Old, Mitchell, it’s been the year of the collapsing backbone, pain, crutches and having to speak sat down. Which made fellow MPs think I’m permanently pissed. Along with that went pain killers but these made me feel good about government policies.
Cheer up. Things ain`t so bad. Previous Labour governments have had far worse mid term problems. It will pass as the electorate makes a considered judgement on Labour’s achievement, which is good. Particularly compared to Tory vacuities and Lib-Dem impossibilities. Q.E.D.
October Conference, on Viagra, has rejected half a dozen government policies I expected a listening government to listen. Instead Tony announces that he’s not going until he’s implemented more radical reforms: Police, NHS, Education, Local Government, Public Service, Criminal Justice, all to be re-organised. Tony has convinced himself that if he can sell Iraq he can sell anything. In fact it`s tainted everything. Tony’s just not believed any longer.
December The British Presidency of the EU, which was to achieve so much, ends not with a bang but a whimper. Tony gives up on an ungrateful Europe. He told them what to do in June. Instead of doing it they’ve clamoured for cuts in the British rebate instead.
In the sulky spirit of “Sod it” Tony gives in and hands them more money, leaving Gordon to pay the bill, and David Hill to interpret the mess as yet another triumph. Tony then abandons them to their mess, having given them two weeks of his time.
January-February Still wasting our time on futilities. The ID Cards Bill will achieve nothing at enormous expense. The Education Bill making schools compete, which they don’t want to, forces a neophyte Minister to sell the unsaleable and l the PLP to pull out what should never have been put in.
March Bit by bit Gordon is releasing his Me-Too manifesto, committing himself to every bit of Tony’s programme, however daft, fears a Blairite candidate against him. This may illustrate the state of their relationships but it ain`t going to happen. It could even end with a final flourish by bringing back Peter Mandelson. Better Alistair Campbell. Government hasn’t projected any sense of purpose since he went, even if he made us all initiatives and no results.
April Peerages now available on HP or off the back of an academy lorry. Labour Party members are not eligible for either. But it leaves a nasty smell.
Prezza problem erupts. My sympathies lie with the people’s John. He may have sold out too much to New Labour but he’s a bulldozer Minister who’s being appallingly treated by puerile Tory piccadoring pillocks and a snobby media pack which wants blood.
May The great unawaited reshuffle. As is now traditional, Tony bungles it. Charles Clarke, Jack Straw and Elliot Morley are badly treated and no one can see why. Neither, apparently, can they. Labour’s Red Adair, John Reid, is trundled into his eighth Ministerial job. Thank God he has an official chauffeur. How else would he know which Department to go into each morning?
June The hunting of “Howdy Pard” Prezza goes on. John Humphreys feeds on a Tory Blog’s Breakfast of gross slurs and asks about them as if they were researched questions not electronic gossip.
Why can`t the media understand that John’s stay with Anschutz was a clever ploy to ensure that the Super-Casino contract won’t go to the Dome but to Blackpool?
July More troops to Afghanistan with the wholehearted approval of every Party as a sacred mission to defend democracy, though history says it’s an impossible task which always ends in ruin. Being a world power (Third Division North) is an expensive business but Tony thinks it morally better for us than employing more nurses, teachers and police.
We saw the influence this brings on telly in Yo Blair’s finest five minutes whittering on at Dubya who’s busy stuffing his face and thinking of the amount of brush he’s got to clear in Crawford.
Tony’s desire to stay in good with the world’s dominant power is understandable but to commit us to every Bush folly is expensive, futile and damages Tony and our government.
Better to triangulate between the Superpower and that Lilliputian babble of contradictory opinions called the EU. To act as Robin to America’s Batman is a good general principle but disastrous when Batman is a man of simple prejudices advised by raving rightwing loonies.
That makes an American alliance which has always been, and should be central, deeply unpopular and turns a good general principle into a folly and Tony into a puppet.
Which is the Blair Tragedy. If he hadn’t rushed into Iraq we’d all be chanting “Ten more Years” instead of us asking Britain’s second (Eden being the first) self-castrating PM to go gentle unto that good night.
So now he’s forced to accept the old Texas principle that “Yo dances with them that brung ya”. The alternative is that you don’t dance at all but stand around whittering unheard. Like a cheese eating surrender monkey.
August Brown, Cameron and Campbell all cooling off in Scotland as Tony goes to Washington to try to persuade Bush to something like sense. Tony’s performance was brilliant but his mission futile. We have no more troops to offer and Tony can`t endorse Israel l00%. So he’s little to offer Frat Boy. Except unpalatable advice which Bush never listens to anyway and a world class brilliance which Bush must find humiliating. But Tony’s still so loyal he’ll drive the folks back home mad. And does – to the tune of “We won’t be fooled again”.
After a brief visit to the Great Murdoch-Fest at the excusive Californian Pebble Beach resort (where a game of golf costs $450) to offer his ritual pledge of allegiance to Rupert Blair goes home to pull the world into line. Then off to his delayed West Indian freeby. Which leaves Prezza in charge. Thank heavens. It could have been John Reid. He’d have reintroduced conscription and sent our nuclear subs to Cyprus.
September After my summer of Rest and Recreation, swimming, walking and cycling I have re-grown a backbone. I may even be able to stand up not to be called at Conference. Tommy McAvoy, the pairing whip (one of only three people who’ve held the same job since 1997 - small prize for guessing the other two) warns me that all the kindness and consideration he’s shown me comes at a price. He’ll expect me to vote with the government. In moderation.
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A frustrating year, but even Tony can`t walk on water forever. Particularly now he’s lost Alistair to tell him where the stepping stones are.
But cheer up. Ours are only mid-term blues. Tony’s done a brilliant job, He’s dominated Parliament, transformed Labour into Management Consultants to power, presided over a successful government, burned himself out and lost his credibility in the process.
I’ve supported Tony loyally when he’s right and kept quiet the other half of the time. So say not the struggle naught availleth. We’ll miss you, Tony, but don’t let that tempt you into doing a Nelly Melba. To quote Roy Orbison “It’s over. It’s over. It’s over”. He’ll hand over after his ten year celebration next June. Gordon will take over unchallenged to chart a new (and more Labour) course. If they’ve any sense that will include troop withdrawals from Iraq and Afghanistan to break with Tony’s war which Gordon could neither defend nor justify as well as the Great Explainer.
Then capitalise on the bounce a new Leader gets and the goodwill from the Party coming from not being Tony and call a successful early election. Like Eden in 1955, a victory facilitated now by a marshmallow Tory Party whose Leader has charm not substance, and Lib-Dems who’ve lost their way and their impetus. I feel sorry for Ming. But he shouldn’t have killed Charles.
That’s my prediction and what ought to happen. Check its accuracy in Old Mitchell’s Almanac next year. |
